Raising children is one of the greatest responsibilities and privileges we will ever have, and as parents, we must understand the profound impact our words and actions have on their development. Our children are sponges, absorbing everything from how we speak to how we act, modeling their behavior and worldview based on what we show them. Our influence, whether we realize it or not, shapes their mental health, sense of self-worth, and understanding of how to interact with the world. It is vital that we are mindful of the examples we set, especially when it comes to our words, actions, and even the environment we create at home.
Modeling Behavior for Our Children
Children look to us as their primary role models, and they learn not just by what we tell them, but by what we do. Every word we say and every action we take in their presence is being internalized. As such, we must ask ourselves: what type of behavior are we modeling for our children?
Are we showing them love, patience, kindness, and self-control? Or are we demonstrating anger, impatience, and aggression? Children who witness positive behavior are more likely to develop healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation.
However, children exposed to negative behavior, such as shouting, aggression, or constant criticism, are at risk of developing emotional and behavioral problems.
Childhood Adverse Experiences (ACEs)
The impact of our behavior is even more pronounced when we consider the concept of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). ACEs are potentially traumatic events that can have lasting, negative effects on a child’s mental and physical health. These include various forms of abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction, such as substance abuse or witnessing violence.
When children are subjected to harsh environments, including inappropriate language or abusive discipline, they can experience long-term emotional damage. Studies have shown that ACEs increase the likelihood of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other health problems in adulthood. As parents, it is critical that we create an environment of love, support, and safety to protect our children from these harmful experiences.
The Power of Words
One of the most overlooked influences on a child’s development is the language we use around and toward them. Many people fail to realize the weight their words carry when spoken to a child. Inappropriate language, especially when directed at children, can cause emotional harm. Whether it’s using demeaning terms, yelling in anger, or constant criticism, children internalize these words and begin to view themselves through that lens.
For example, calling a child “stupid” or “worthless” may seem like a spur-of-the-moment reaction, but for the child, these words become part of their identity. Over time, this negative self-image can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, or aggressive behavior as they mirror the negativity shown to them. Interestingly, parents who complain about their children's disrespect or unruly behavior may not realize that their children are often mirroring the very behavior they have modeled.
Physical Behavior and Discipline
In addition to our words, the way we physically model behavior has a tremendous effect on our children. This includes how we handle discipline, how we interact with others, and the behaviors we normalize in front of them. For example, children who witness abusive or unwarranted physical discipline may grow up believing that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict. Similarly, witnessing a parent hit a sibling or even a spouse can instill the belief that aggression is justified in personal relationships.
Additionally, exposure to harmful behaviors such as drug or alcohol abuse can lead children to mimic these actions as they grow older.
They may come to view substance abuse as a normal way of dealing with stress or emotions because that’s what was modeled for them in their formative years.
Environmental Influences: Music, Media, and More
It’s also important to remember that children are shaped not only by our direct interactions with them but also by the environment we create. The music we listen to, the shows we watch, and the conversations we engage in around them all leave an impression.
If children are constantly exposed to violent or explicit content through TV shows, video games, or music, they may become desensitized to such behavior, normalizing aggression, inappropriate language, or harmful attitudes toward others. While it’s tempting to believe that children aren’t paying attention to what’s playing in the background, studies show that children are keenly aware of these influences and often incorporate them into their own worldview.
Accountability as Parents
Having children requires a new level of accountability. They are our responsibility, not the world's. It is up to us, as parents, to set the standards for their upbringing and to protect them from harmful influences. Unfortunately, many parents refuse or fail to grow up and look to outside sources—schools, media, or society at large—to raise their children, which can have damaging effects when those influences don’t align with positive values.
There’s a reason the world is the way it is today. When we fail to take responsibility for our children and allow them to be raised by the culture around them, we end up with children who are confused, insecure, and lacking a solid moral foundation. By taking accountability for our words, actions, and the environment we provide, we can raise children who are confident, secure, and prepared to make positive contributions to society.
What Example Are You Setting?
Ultimately, the words and actions we model for our children carry far more weight than we often realize. The inappropriate language we use, the way we handle discipline, the behaviors we normalize, and even the entertainment we consume all leave a lasting impact. It’s important that we take this responsibility seriously and provide an environment of love, respect, and accountability. Our children are watching us—and how we raise them today will shape the adults they become tomorrow.